The other night I got unlucky. I rode my bike to one meeting and got rained on. Later in the day I tried to take the subway to another meeting and there was a fire on the train -which never came. I gave up and went upstairs to one of my favorite bars to hang out with my good Buddy Weiser while waiting for a friend to take me to dinner.
I was the first person in the bar. In fact I was there even before the bartender due to the same fire on the same train. The place filled up quickly with a bald man in his late 30s sitting between me and some yogi-yet-not-lesbian type late 20s females.
The bald man proceeds to pull out a book, which looked as though it had to have been at least 700 pages, opened the book and began to read. I was watching him out of the corner of my eye and it seemed as though he was more interested in the ladies next to him than he was the book. Of course he was, god put us on earth to procreate more-so than to learn.
It didn’t take long for it to dawn on me that this book was the bald mans way of getting laid. He was waiting with baited breath for one of the ladies to say “Hey what are you reading?” He took a break for a cigarette. Shortly followed by a trip to the juke box to play more tunes. None of which was accompanied by a single turn of a page. Which leads me to believe that my “What are you reading” theory was correct due to the fact that he was doing less than two pages of reading in a 30 minute time span.
I may not have all the best lines when it comes to picking up woman, but I can guarantee you that I will never resort to reading a 700 page book in a dark, loud bar hoping to get a piece of ass. If you want to read, stay the fuck home. If you want to get laid, don’t be a creepy guy hiding behind the pages of a book.
The book or the vagina, you choose.
